Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Paralysis at the last moment

I am, as ever, struck by the last minute terror of having everything to do and not enough time in which to do it, to whit:


  • I must finish an essay (although it's only two hundred words more and quite frankly the conclusion essentially writes itself: "I was really trying to make this book fit the argument I'm proposing and clearly it doesn't; please give me marks for recognising that.")
  • I must pack. I am leaving for the US in (hahahahahahohgoodlord) 30 hours or so. However, there is a caveat and I shall talk about it later.
  • I must prep things for the ascas
  • I must do some filming (if you would like to help me film something with the reward of eternal love and gratitude and work in any sector aside from hospitality, please get in touch!)
  • I must get my applications in because apparently summer internships do not award themselves based on people who really, really want them but don't like application forms for their uncreative and systematic approach to human beings, who are creative and asystematic
  • I must ring bank and phone company to tell them I'll be leaving the country.
But let's talk about the US, and the way that Barack has totally blackballed me from his party mansion in D.C. Yup, I'm going halfway across the world to see this:


More like the Cream House, amiright?
...except probably from further away. And surrounded by the other people who either failed their security checks or didn't get them done in time. I am severely annoyed that I am in either of these two groups.

No, I'm not going to tell you which I'm in. You know me. You can guess.

What else is new? I suppose there's the fact that The Woman and I are now on speaking terms, which is a relief because I'd rather not lose a friend like that. I suppose there's also the fact that I've almost finished an essay and it is - this should not be a feeling I experience in Junior Honours, but - the first essay I have finished in good time and am genuinely proud of. Honestly. The referencing is gorgeous, the argument is solid and balanced, and I have quotes. And it's in French. (That bit's an extra bonus: I like being able to write in French.)

I mean my bags aren't packed and I've spent an hour helping a friend with romantic entanglements and in the group that I moderate I've had to go all tyrannical to remove a couple of people who truly believe in "reverse racism" and, well.

It's been a stressful damn day.

Still, all things considered and viewed from the other side: I helped a friend, I preserved a safe space for non-believers and I discovered that people halfway across the world appreciate the work I do.

Plus I learnt about potential exciting internships at +British Council and I'm going to be getting on those the minute I touch back down.

The next month is doubtlessly going to make or break me. Getting the fear a little.

But only a little.